I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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