It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
