At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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