dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
