I wanna passion pit in your ass
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
