OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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