she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Randomize
