If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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