Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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