cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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