I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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