I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
