exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
