i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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