this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
