I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
