tell your sister to shave her snatch
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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