If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Mom said you looked used
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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