i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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