ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
