Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
