I will die if light touches me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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