I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
