OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
