Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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