Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
