You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
