I'm eating all of the evidence.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
