The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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