mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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