I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
