It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
