That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
