got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
