You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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