my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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