college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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