pop tarts are not kleenex
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
