Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
