i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
