I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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