You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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