I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
