it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
