I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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