He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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