Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
