Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
