Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
