dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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